A Captivated Consciousness
Captivate: verb to attract and hold the interest and attention of
Consciousness: noun the quality or state of being aware
What holds your attention these days? Where do your thoughts settle? Sometimes there is so much going on in our lives or in the world around us that it holds the attention of our thoughts, and if we are not careful, we can re-write the narrative.
Around September 2019 I began to experience what would be months of debilitating nerve pain, brain fog, and fatigue, along with other symptoms. I had multiple trial meds, doctor appointments, lab test after lab test, and still, no answers. It was a warm February day when my doctor finally got the approval for an MRI. She needed to rule out or confirm a diagnosis. I had no idea what they would find and mentally prepared myself for the worst, but at this point, I just wanted answers. The pain had taken over so much of my life. I just wanted to be ok again, and while I did not want to hear a discovery of MS or neuro-lyme, I desperately wanted answers and a direction on how this could be treated. I could feel the vibrations of the MRI machine as it started. The clicking noise and jackhammer-like sounds were barely acknowledged as I was deep in thought. Laying in the MRI for the two scans, the Lord reminded me of the word that He had been stirring in my heart all those months - dwell.
At that moment, I had a choice on where I would choose to dwell, to live, and where to keep my attention directed. I had a choice of what would captivate my consciousness. The words from Psalm 91 played through my head:
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2
And, “If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge-- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;” Psalm 91:9-11
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." Psalm 91:14-16
I decided at that moment, no matter how this test came back, no matter what the results said, I would choose to dwell in the shelter of the Most High. I chose then to refuse to dwell in fear. My thoughts and emotions would dwell in the Lord, and they would be guarded by Truth.
Sometimes, it is hard to dwell when you are lost in the mystery. Whether you are waiting on a diagnosis, a decision, a dream, an open door...often fear can creep in, and that is where we too often choose to make our dwelling place. Worries turn to “what ifs?” and the next thing you know, you have set up camp in fear instead of in a place of faith. Your circumstances do not get to determine your dwelling place.
Isaiah 26:3-4 says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you; because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” (ESV)
In the waiting, in the unknown, you can dwell in certainty because you can trust God to be there in every outcome. He will give you rest when your circumstances beckon you to fall to their mercy. Don’t be distracted and set up camp there. Find rest in the shelter of the Most High. You can trust in His goodness.
In the midst of your circumstances, what will you allow to captivate your consciousness today? Choose to settle in the awareness and goodness of God and allow Him to captivate your consciousness.